Saturday, May 8, 2010

Vampire Physiology

I have to admit, I've been dying (pun intended) to talk to somebody about this. Stephenie Meyer created our special sparkly vamps and we all fell in love with them, but the curious minds don't stop inquiring - HOW DO THEY FUNCTION?!!
Remember the first relatively revealing conversation between Bella and Edward in the Forks High cafeteria? When she dared him to eat a piece of pizza? Am I imagining things, or did Midnight Sun version of the same even revealed that Edward was planning to cough up the staple of cafeteria food later on? Now, I kinda see that happening, but the question remains, what would happen if the vampire got to swallow human food?...
So, here's a long list of things I've been thinking about. First and foremost, where does the ingested blood go? I think Bella mentioned that after hunting Edward seemed a bit flushed. WHY? Does the blood enter the vamp-bloodstream? I thought there wasn't a bloodstream to talk about...
Does all blood get ingested and nothing goes to waste? How convenient :)
Ok, let's get out of potty-humor territory and move to the safer one - looks. Twi-vampires are supposed to be drop dead gorgeous, and apparently their features get enhanced during the transformation. I always wondered how that works... The skin is hard, smooth and cool to the touch, right? Well, the coldness obviously comes from the lack of blood in the system (we're back to that, I guess). What about the hardness and smoothness, as well as the infamous sparkle, are they somehow caused by the venom when it enters the system?
We all know that hair and nails grow even on the dead person, so is it safe to assume that all vampires got at least few haircuts during their hundreds of years? Or does the hair just keep growing?
What else... well, there are the eyes... How do they change color? Why the "vegetarians" get the pretty golden ones, while the natural, carnivorous type, are stuck with the conspicuous bloody ones?
I actually thought that the story of Edward being able to become a daddy, was somewhat believable, but then again, when I thought about it a little more (but not too much, I promise), I stumbled upon a thought that sperm that was "frozen" inside a male vampire's body would still be... human, woudln't it?
Ok, please don't hate me for this little barrage of questions. I do know that Twilight is a work of fantasy fiction (and an excellent one at that). I love all the characters and am forever thankful to Mrs. Meyers for creating them, their little physiological quirks notwithstanding. But seriously, have you ever wonder about this stuff as well, or is it just me? ;) Confess, people!

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