Thursday, April 22, 2010

Eclipse Discussion - Chapter 19. Selfish

This week's post is by one of my first bloggy besties, Cutie from Super Secret Twilight Blog. She is totally awesome as you will see from this post! Big thanks to her for this awesome job and taming herself down just for us! LOL

Well hello there Eye's of Amber followers!
My name is cutie.
And I am an avid admirer of the wonderment that is this blog.
When Amber asked me to join in this lovely discussion
I must admit I felt completely honored and stoked!
I feel it's only right that firstly I thank her and
her fellow bloggers for letting me muck up
their awesome blog with my silliness.
*hugs all around*
Who wants to talk some Eclipse?!

There are a few things y'all ought to know about me:
1. I'm 100% Team Edward and Bella.
Like stubbornly so.
It's a blessing and a curse.
Please don't hate me for it.
*bats eyelashes cutely*
2. I am a Team Bella fan when she isn't annoying the errr... heck out of me.
3. I'm not all that fond of the wolf...
But I will keep this post friendly and as neutral as I possibly can.
See, I can be reasonable. *smiles winningly*
Now why am I sharing all of this with you before breaking down chapter 19.
Me thinks by the end of this post you shall see.
And let's begin:

A Fill Up:
In many ways chapter 19 is a bit of a filler chapter. There's a whole lot of info but not much plot progression. However, don't count this lovely little-chapter-that-could out. We learn about the inner workings of the wolf packs' shared mind, the fact that Jacob is the man behind the power (aka Sam's right hand), that Bella's little plan to help out during the battle has been revealed to Alice (and squashed), that Bella is dreaming about the third wife, that poor Leah is a wolf and making everyone's life miserable in true drama queen fashion, and we watch as Bella plays the guilt card and talks Edward into staying with her during the fight against Vicky and her minions. All of this we read, all of it is interesting, BUT ya wanna know what I love the most about this chapter? The gloves come off...

The Green Eyed Monster:
Edward's been playing it cool for awhile now. His motto seems to be "stick to the high road and keep your fingers clean." But something has gotten under his skin in chapter 19 in the form of a charm bracelet. A bracelet that has been given to the love of his life by his rival, Jacob Black. While we can't hear his thoughts, they play out for us the reader in his calculating words and his oh-so-wounded-looks, looks the oh-so-intuitive Bella just can't seem to put her finger on (Annoying much? Yes!). Using a bit of manipulation, Edward turns on the charm and expresses his feelings to Bella. It's not fair in his mind that Bella is so concerned about Jacob's feelings being hurt (heck along with everyone else) yet not his. That she will accept others gifts but not his own. Her reply, "You're more important than everyone else. And you've given me you. That's already more than I deserve, and anything else you give me just throws us more out of balance." Ludicrous, is Edward's reply to this statement. And I agree, Bella's insecurities are starting to get out of control here! But more on Bella and her issues in a bit... Edward talks her into him giving her a "hand me down" and Bella accepts even though she can tell he's up to something. And Edward is - Thank. The. Gods! For not only is he expressing his hurt feelings, he's finally making a move - kidnapping his girlfriend for a little alone time (YES!! *fist pumps*). As he leaves Bella at the end of the chapter in the paws (I know... I'm a funny one *rolls eyes at self*) of another man, Edward's ego is hurt while he watches them together. He is forced to watch and listen to Bella happily embrace Jacob's friendship (literally). But he's got a card up his sleeve and he's ready to play for keeps... One wonders what could be going on in that beautiful head of his...

Snugglin' with the Wolf-man:
Though he is only in the chapter for a few moments, Jacob makes an impact on my mind. He's been playing the game since day one, trying his hardest to get Bella back. He's trying to be everything Edward isn't, lighter, more playful, warmer, and more vocal about his feelings. His purrs and wolfishly handsome grins suck Bella in. I don't think he remains with Bella out of charity at the end of the chapter while everyone else goes off to play fight. You can disagree with me if you'd like, but I'd venture to guess that Jacob is stealing any moments he can away from Edward with Bella. And, as Edward helps his brother train the wolves on how to fight, he gets to listen to Jacob's happy thoughts as Bella pets him and snuggles close. I'm sure all the purring isn't just for Bella's benefit! Cheeky little wolf-boy. Do I blame Jacob? No, he's merely taking what is so willing given to him. He's fighting for the girl he loves. So who do I blame?

Selfish with a Side of Insecurity:
Here's my issue, and I want y'all to remember fact #2 that I pointed out about myself earlier, I have never once believed Bella was a completely selfless person. I'm not saying she incapable of selfless acts, what I am saying is I've always found her to be capable of great acts of selfishness. So, was I thrown when she asked Edward to stay with her during the battle? No. Do I believe she was wrong to do so? Honestly? I really don't know... What I find interesting about this moment in the book is it seems to be perpetuated more by Bella's feelings of insecurity than by her need to have Edward with her. I know she says that she doesn't want to be without him, but let's look at it from a different POV.
1. Bella can't stand Edward doing things for her (as in getting her gifts or even making her breakfast in bed). In her mind, it tips the scale too far out of whack.
2. Bella is obsessed with pulling her own weight during the battle, even when it's extremely clear that she will be more of a hindrance than a help.
3. Bella feels she is nothing in comparison to Edward (not a shocking revelation there, we all know this to be true, but a statement that must be made).
4. Bella refuses to be left out, even when she physically cannot do something (i.e. staying up all night hanging out with war preparing vampies and wolves).
5. Bella longs to be heroic (*coughthirdwifecough*), something more than a mere mortal. She wants to be equals with Edward and his family. And she feels incredibly lacking due to her mortality.
Soooo, when faced with not being allowed to fight and knowing the-all-seeing Alice is constantly one step ahead of her, Bella asks Edward to stay with her. I don't think she is completely lying when she admits that she can't live if something happens to Edward, that she can't watch him leave her again. But, I do think she is not willing to admit she doesn't want to feel left out! That she wants someone else to feel like an outsider with her. And who would give her the world if he could? Who would do anything for her? Edward.

These insecurities and lies keep her from embracing her relationship with Edward fully. In my humble opinion, they are why she told Edward no when he asked her to marry him (don't get me started on her BS reasons for saying no!). Why she keeps turning to Jacob (whom she feels is more on her level of importance). And why she is so willing to sacrifice herself in battle for the sake of others (third wife in the making? *rolls eyes*). Bella's got a serious case of "poor me" right about now. And frankly, I'm worried for her. She's blind, unable to see how badly she is hurting Edward, Jacob, and, mostly, not to mention most importantly, herself. She's got to stop throwing her pity party, accept who she is, and put on her big girl pants or else.

I love the final sentence of this chapter:
The killing games continued in the clearing, and I stared at the hazy moon.
Bella's confusion is mirrored in the haze which surrounds the moon. She can't see it clearly, just as she can't see her own life clearly. I have complete faith in Bella! I know she will realize soon the errors of her ways. However, I fear the straw that will break the camel's back as well as learning who will get hurt in the end...

1 comment:

cutie said...

Awwww.... *blushes* You called me a bloggie bestie... Thank you!!! I feel the very same way! *hugs*

I did tame it down, I was even totally nice to the do... I mean to Jacob. hehehe Thanks again for asking me to do this. It was sofa king fun. =D