Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Twi-Theories Tuesdays: Some Cullen Christmas Cheer

There are absolutely zero book spoilers in this post. Well, maybe one.

Okay, so this isn't really a book theory. It's just the week before Christmas, and shopping and baking are seriously cramping my blog-lifestyle. Amber's been working hard over at her Vampire Diaries column, and she asks a pretty good question about whether you'd rather find Stefan(played by Paul Wesley) or Damon (Ian Somerholder) under your..um..tree.

No offense to Stefan/Paul or Damon/Ian, as they'd both look nice with a big ol' red bow on their chest and a candy cane between their teeth, but I think our Cullen boys can make for a much merrier Christmas.

So, you're hanging at the Cullen house, strategically positioned beneath the mistletoe. Which one are you hoping will discover you here? Before we get to biased, I think it's only fair to evaluate all of our lovely amber-eyed Cullen men. (Sorry Team Jacob - If you're picturing slobbery puppy kisses, you're on your own)

Carlisle: Even more of a gentleman than Edward, I'm betting he's a little shy when it comes to the ladies, and even shyer in a public setting. So beneath the mistletoe, soft, sweet chaste kisses. His hands might be on your shoulders, equally chaste, but still sweet. Sound good? Want more? Get him behind that closed door over there.

Emmett
: Probably the polar opposite of Carlisle. This big hunk of man-meat is all over you. Hands in the back pockets of your jeans, or completely wrapped around you, all lips and tongue, possibly a little slobbery, but not too much, and ouch! the door jam hurts when it digs into the back of your shoulders. Behind the closed doors? No different, though you'll probably have to remind him to actually go behind the doors...

Jasper: Ah, the Southern Gentleman, but he's a soldier, so there's that rough and ready side too. Not to mention the empath thing. Jasper in a romantic setting? Experience that kiss in stereo. Slow, sensuous kisses, lingering..maybe even a little tantric, as a way to deal with the overflow of emotion. Behind the door? Hope you're patient...

Edward: Finally, Edward! We know a little, since Bella's always been cool about describing the experience for us. Edward's had 90 years to read the thoughts of people and so he's got insider knowledge. So it starts slow, the hand caresses the cheek, tilting your chin up, light brushes of lips together, Lips meet fully finally and then all you know what breaks loose, and you're a tangle of arms and leg hitches. (Have I read too much fanfic?) Oddly enough, it's Emmett that objects to the mega-watt PDA.

Yes, yes, they're all spoken for, but that's beside the point in this little exercise. Unicorns? I know you're dying to hear about defrosting Rosalie's ice queen exterior, or bubbly Alice, that you have to pick up in order to kiss properly. Esme's kisses got soft-focus, like an old movie, fading out just as the lips meet. And Bella, well, hang on to your virtue, boys. Shy and blushing only stays that way for so long.

Team Jacob? You tell me what you think your favorite wolfpack boy is like under the mistletoe.

The rest of us? Who is your pick? I'm sure you know mine, I'm still biased.

5 comments:

spellbound said...

Ok, so now you've got me seriously trying to figure out how to squeeze out an invitation to the Cullen's for Christmas! Of course, I'm extremely biased myself, so there's no question which one I'd be hoping to find me under the mistletoe. But, if Jasper or Carlisle happened to stroll by while I was waiting for Edward, I certainly wouldn't mind! No complaining here!! I love Emmett to death but, he just doesn't appeal to me in that way, so I'll pass on that one. And anyway, who would have time?

sjAimee said...

mmm Jasper or Emmett.. maybe both? Could there be a sjA sandwich maybe?

But seriously. I dont think Jasper's kisses would be all that sweet and romantic.. hmm na.. I bet he'd totally have a dominate side to him..

Bouncy72 said...

Edward, Jasper & Emmett all have their good points that just make you all tinglely. (though I'd still probably go with Edward, just because I'm completely biased *grin*)
I can't imagine kissing Carlisle. I see him as a fatherly figure, so that would be weird...lol although I 'm older than the stage his body is frozen at *grin*

Fire Crotch said...

Jasper. He's dreamy, well his hair is bad in the movies...I'll take Jasper with Jackson hair. But the emotion influence thing....um yeah, that would be awesome. Okay, I need to leave and take a shower now.

Cbone said...

I so agree with spellbound!! So agree!!!:)